Friday, August 31, 2012

The Pain of losing 2 loved ones

I have not blogged for long time.

There are so many things I want to share. School hunting, the pictures with my close friends, the everyday interesting and challenges with the children..

But I just don't have the mood to do anything. Epecially recently I find myself wandering alone on streets and crying myself to bed.

5 months ago, after my dad had the pacemaker operation, I told him " 爸爸,放了battery 你还是一条好汉!可以重 出江湖了!" We celebrated at nearby restaurant as his health improved . However this is only short term. His health deteriorated as kidney starts to fail.

The pain of losing 2 loved ones in a month is untolerable.First my dad,followed by my grandma.
I used to have this fear when overseas. Fear of receiving bad news over the phone and fly back for the funeral. Fear of losing them.

When I received the news, I started to blame myself for not spending enough time with them. For getting irritated by their slightest complaints, for not being understanding towards them.

But deep down in my heart  , I really love them a lot. I really wish to turn back the clock and treasure every moment with them. I really don't want them to go.

I received an email yesterday.
An editor girlfriend informed that the article on LeLe was published in the latest magazine.
My father will be so joyful if he knows that his favourite grandchild appears on overseas magazine.
He never gets the chance to read the article as I never get the chance to share with him.
I never get the chance to eat chicken rice with him at the market.
I never get the chance to hear him scold me '每次做事情blur blur  ,,没有用!"
I never get the chance to nag at him to eat his medicine regularly.

I will never see him again and can only live with this regret.
My father has gone away. Really gone. He will not come back 

Treasure your loved ones when they are around. Once they are gone, you will deeply regret that you did not spend enough time with them. The feeling is really painful.

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